Romantic relationships can be beautiful. But there is also the other side – Breakups. Divorce. In fact, many of us, if not most, have experienced a breakup before some time in our lives.
Getting over a breakup is essential for our growth and mental wellness. And if not handled properly, it can lead to severe issues.
I went through two breakups, one a lot more painful than the other. The breakups all made me hurt, overwhelmed, felt lost, felt abandoned, broken, and felt that I was the only one at fault.
It was difficult times for me as I think about how the person that I love so dearly and imagined spending a lifetime with, would leave me. But both of them left, and without proper closure.
10 Tips to Get Over a Breakup
Facing a breakup is not something you should feel ashamed of, nor let it destroy you. Instead, get back up stronger than you used to be, and take it as a valuable learning experience.
Now, I do not wish any of you to hate or blame yourself for the breakup. What happened already happened. You cannot change the past, but you can still shape your future. I am not here to judge but to help you if you are facing difficulties or you just need some advice.
Below are 10 ways which I have personally implemented so you can trust me that it works.
*The advice below is purely from my own experience. You may disagree with some of the things I say, but I would like to just put it out there that those are my own opinions and I respect yours, too.*
1. LET IT ALL OUT
It is okay to cry, but do not let it break you. I have learned this the hard way – by developing anxiety and depression, and subsequently diagnosed with it. Not completely because of this, though. But it definitely contributed a lot to it.
This is just a chapter of your life, not all of it. Do not lose yourself in the process.
2. DELETE ANYTHING RELATED TO THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Unfollow and/or block them from all social media platforms. This way, they will not be able to get in touch with you, and vice versa. Personally, I did not do that. But he blocked me first.
He blocked me in all social media platforms and that honestly made me so relieved as it shows that he does not need me in his life anymore. And for that, I can also leave his life without regrets, and feel proud of myself for having done my best.
3. GET RID OF ANY MEMORIES THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM
By this, I mean deleting all photos that remind you of them and discarding items which holds memory for you.
I deleted all photos of him and us. It was really hard at first, but I am glad I did it. If you have not done it, do it now. Like, right now. I will not deny that it will hurt, like very very hurt. But it will help you in the long term. Trust me.
Deleting those physical memories will help you move on easier. Why hold on when you and your partner are just not meant to be?
God has a plan for you, and trust Him that He will guide you to where you belong. Same goes for the man of your life. Man are designed to pursue women, not the other way around.
4. DO NOT GO BACK TO THEM
If they come back to you, do not go back to them. Why would you want to give them the chance to hurt you again?
Sure, they might have changed and genuinely want to make it up to you, but by then I am sure you will think that you deserve so much better than your previous partner. Just because they changed does not mean it is sustainable or that you will be happy with them. Two people might just not be compatible.
However, this also depends on the individual. If both of you genuinely want to make it work the second time, by all means go ahead. But make sure that both of you have already learned from the past mistakes and is willing to start afresh.
I would also suggest seeking advice and guidance from elders or professionals while in the process of getting back together. A third opinion usually helps you to understand the relationship in a broader perspective, which is important in making sure a relationship is sustainable in the long run.
5. DO NOT STAY AS FRIENDS
At least not right after the breakup. In fact, most couples do not go back to being friends at all. Wanting to be friends is not wrong, but it is important to set boundaries and be conscious of each other’s intentions for being friends.
Also, whether it is possible to stay as friends depends on what the situation was like before the breakup – Was the decision mutual? What were the reasons for breaking up? How far (physically) have both of you gone? How long were you both together?
6. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
If there is one thing I can advise you, it would be that it is okay to rely on your friends. The right ones, though.
True friends will be there to help you get through the breakup, not laugh at you or say something hurtful like “I knew you guys would not last”.
If they are these type of friends, let them go as well.
Hang out with friends who lift you up and cherish you. Those that validates your feelings and not use it against you. Create happy memories with them, occupy your mind with those memories and remind yourself that you are worth it.
7. DO NOT START DATING TOO SOON
You heard that right. Do not get into another relationship too soon. Exactly how long is too soon? That depends on you.
If you are still dwelling over your previous partner or still thinking about all the memories of you and him, then you are probably not ready for another relationship. That new relationship will not be made up of real love.
You probably just want to re-live those memories that you and previous partner used to have. But in the long term, you might regret your decision. Not only will that hurt you again, but you will also end up hurting the other party.
8. REMEMBER THAT “THE RIGHT ONE” IS OUT THERE
The person whom you broke up with, is never the “right one” for you anymore, although I have heard of couples who are happily married with kids after breaking up. That is truly a blessing and a miracle.
However, the hard truth is this – that situation rarely happens.
You and your partner broke up for a reason. Something must not have worked out for both of you within that relationship. So, why would you try so hard to fit something that is just not meant to be fitted in your life?
9. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY
Similar to the point about hanging with your friends, try to occupy yourself so that your mind does not have the chance to think about your partner.
Do something that you love. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Do whatever it takes to occupy your mind with positivity.
10. FOCUS ON YOURSELF
Prioritizing yourself is not a wrong thing to do. Putting your needs first is necessary for helping you achieve what you desire in life.
In this case, focus on taking care of yourself, both in and out. For instance, focus on getting your mind to stop thinking about your partner, or focus on building up your self-worth which you might have lost during the relationship.
You are not selfish for putting yourself first, it is necessary sometimes.
I hope this helps you if you are going through a difficult breakup or you need advice. Failed relationships are part and parcel in everyone’s lives. Do not let them ruin you, or take away that beautiful smile from your face.
What advice would you give to people who are facing a failed relationship? Write it in the comments, I would love to hear them (and I am sure others will benefit from it too!).