Today, I want to talk about romantic relationships. It is not the happy part, but I feel that it is crucial in terms of personal growth and mental wellness.
**Just a short summary of what happened which I have already announced on my previous post on 5 Valuable Life Lessons to Learn from Failed Relationships. You can skip this part and head over to “10 Ways to Get Over a Breakup”**
As many of you might already know, my boyfriend and I broke up on 9 May 2018. I do not know the exact reasons why, but I know for sure that those reasons are going to hurt me (which was why he chose to keep quiet about it).
It was a really hard period of time for me because, never have I ever thought that, I will not be spending forever with the person whom I thought will be.
If you want to find out more about what exactly happened, you can head over to 5 Valuable Life Lessons to Learn from Failed Relationships – I talked about what we can all learn during the process of a failed relationship, and 10 reasons why we face it.
10 WAYS TO GET OVER A BREAK UP
Facing a break up is not something you should feel ashamed of, nor use it to destroy you. Instead, get back up stronger than you used to be, and use that break up as a learning experience.
Now, I don’t want any of you girls to hate or blame yourself. What has happened already happened. You cannot change the past, but you can still shape your future.
I am not here to judge but to help you if you are facing difficulties or you just need some advice.
Below are 10 ways which I have personally implemented so you can trust me that it works.
**The advice below is purely from my own experience. You may disagree with some of the things I say, but I would like to just put it out there that those are my own opinions and I respect yours, too.**
1. LET IT ALL OUT
It is okay to cry, but do not let it break you. I have learned this the hard way – by developing anxiety and depression. Not completely because of this, though. But it definitely contributed a lot to it.
This is just a chapter of your life, not all of it. DO NOT lose yourself in the process.
2. DELETE ANYTHING RELATED TO THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Unfollow and/or block them from all social media platforms. This way, they won’t be able to get in touch with you, and vice versa. Personally, I did not do that. But my ex-boyfriend blocked me first.
I know, right?
He blocked me in all social media platforms and that honestly made me so relieved. Why? Because that shows he does not need me in his life anymore. And for that, I can also leave his life without regrets.
3. GET RID OF ANY MEMORIES THAT REMIND YOU OF THEM
By this, I mean deleting all photos that remind you of them and discarding items which hold memory for you.
I deleted all photos of him and us. It was really hard at first, but I am glad I did it. If you haven’t done it, do it now. Like, right now. I cannot deny that it WILL hurt. But it will help you in the long term. Trust me.
Deleting those physical memories will help you move on easier. Why hold on when you and your partner are just not meant to be?
God has a plan for you, and trust Him that He will guide you to where you belong. Same goes for the man of your life.
4. DO NOT GO BACK TO THEM
If they come back to you, do not go back to them. Why would you want to give them the chance to hurt you again?
Sure, they might have changed and genuinely want to make it up to you, but you deserve so much better than this.
Just because they changed does not mean it is sustainable or that you will be happy with them.
However, this also depends on the individual. If both of you genuinely want to make it work the second time, by all means go ahead. But make sure that both of you have already learned from the past mistakes and is willing to start afresh.
I would also suggest seeking advice and guidance from elders or professionals while in the process of getting back together. A third opinion usually helps you to understand the relationship in a broader perspective, which is important in making sire a relationship is sustainable in the long run.
5. DO NOT STAY AS FRIENDS
This is a huge no for me.
I am not saying that staying as friends after a break up is wrong. If that is what you want, by all means, go ahead.
As a personal belief, if you and your partner stay as friends, that means the relationship is not exactly over. Especially in situations where your partner have hurt you so much, why would you let such people stay in your life?
You deserve better.
Again, this also depends on what the situation was like before the breakup. Was the decision mutual? What were the reasons for breaking up?
6. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
If there is one thing I can advise you, it would be that it is okay to rely on your friends.
True friends will be there to help you get through the breakup, not laugh at you or say something hurtful like “I knew you guys wouldn’t last”.
If they are these type of friends, let them go as well.
Hang out with friends who lift you up and cherish you. Create happy memories with them, occupy your mind with those memories and remind yourself that you are worth it.
7. DO NOT START DATING TOO SOON
You heard that right. Do not start another relationship too soon. Exactly how long is too soon? That depends on you.
If you are still dwelling over your previous partner or still thinking about all the memories of you and him, then you are probably not ready for another relationship. Why?
Because that relationship is not made up of real love. You probably just want to re-live those memories that you and previous partner used to have. But in the long term, you might regret your decision.
Not only will that hurt you again, but you will also end up hurting the other party.
8. REMEMBER THAT “THE RIGHT ONE” IS OUT THERE
The person whom you broke up with, is never the “right one” for you anymore.
I have heard of couples who are happily married with kids after breaking up. That is truly a blessing and a miracle.
However, the hard truth is this – that situation rarely happens.
You and your partner broke up for a reason. Something must not have worked out for both of you within that relationship. So, why would you try so hard to fit something that is just not meant to be fitted in your life?
9. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY
Similar to the point about hanging with your friends, try to occupy yourself so that your mind does not have the chance to think about your partner.
Do something that you love. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Do whatever it takes to occupy your mind with positivity.
Try some of these activities:
- Read a book
- Do some baking!
- Go shopping
- Watch a movie
Keeping yourself busy will not only help you get back up on your feet but also improve your overall well-being.
10. FOCUS ON YOURSELF
Prioritizing yourself is not a wrong thing to do. Putting your needs first is necessary for helping you achieve what you desire in life.
In this case, focus on taking care of yourself, both in and out. For instance, focus on getting your mind to stop thinking about your partner, or focus on building up your self-worth which you might have lost during the relationship.
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it is necessary sometimes.
I hope this helps you if you are going through a difficult breakup or you need advice. If you have any questions, or you just want to have a girl talk, feel free to contact me via my Contact page or DM me on Instagram!
Failed relationships are part and parcel in everyone’s lives. Do not let them ruin you, or take away that beautiful smile from your face.
What advice would you give to people who are facing a failed relationship? Write it in the comments, I would love to hear them (and I am sure others will benefit from it too!).